I was twittering away the other day from Court. The world needed to know that I had seen ‘lovely solicitor’.
‘Lovely solicitor’ does not instruct me, we hardly know each other. But back when I was first on my feet ‘lovely solicitor’ and I would spend many a miserable Saturday morning together in the smelly cells of a London Magistrates’ Court.
‘Lovely solicitor’ is always smiley, always asks how I am. She’s brilliant too, she fights for her clients and is clever.
Yes, I have a crush on ‘lovely solicitor.’
But I’m not alone, a number of male junior members of the Bar have their own ‘lovely solicitor.’ (Back off mine lads).
Most of my barrister friends are single, most of my non-barrister friends are not, here’s a scientific sample.
Our survey says…
TV blonde - TV employee, skinny jeans and boots, uber wit – girlfriended , nice nurse girl
Lad – Hardcore corporate attorney, Northern lad, no messin – girlfriended, for years and years and years
Pretty boy – Square jawed silk tie solicitor boy, minor sex pest – single, but often lucky
Shaggy dog – From north of Watford, somewhere very North, has bad ties but good humour – single.
John Bull – Criminal hack, real ale slugger, – sometimes dates, repeat bookings occasional.
Smiley face – Hugs a hoodie, cares a lot, nice guy – long term girlfriend, date night tonight boys
Having conducted my extremely scientific survey I can announce the following results: 66% of male junior barristers are single, compared to only 33% of male professionals of comparable age.
Truth is that barristers have very different and quite often odd working patterns. Thursday I worked until midnight. Friday, I arrived back in London late, went straight to the pub, went home worked until 2. Saturday, worked all day, finished just after midnight. Monday, will start the day in London, will end it up North – not long how long I’ll be gone for.
It’s not conducive to dating. Some of your best mates get rather irked with the constant cancellations.
If someone did do a scientific survey of how many romantic relationships survive pupillage I imagine it would be very few indeed.
It’s not something they tell you when you’re signing up for your wig. If you’re thinking about life in horse hair it’s something you ought to think about. Life/work balance is virtually a myth at the junior bar.
Maybe I should just…
…man up and ask out ‘lovely solicitor’ – after all my pupil mistress was married to an instructing solicitor.
Until I pluck up the courage I will be stood up by ‘smiley face’ in the barrister boozers of London. I’ll listen to ‘lad’ tell me about how he misses his single days. And I’ll dance badly with ‘pretty boy’ in our pinstripe suits on a Friday night.